The Cooler

They're still finding ballots in South Florida. That and more in your Cooler.

A- Herald: Life in South Florida.

A woman and her two young daughters were found dead in their home near Flagami Tuesday, prompting a homicide investigation by Miami-Dade police.

B- Herald: Permanently seceded from the Union.

A Key West man who told his partner that "if Barack gets re-elected, I'm not going to be around" was found dead on Nov. 8, with the words "F--- Obama!" scrawled on his will and two empty prescription bottles nearby.

Henry Hamilton, 64, owner of Tropical Tan off Duval Street, was "very upset about the election results," his partner Michael Cossey told Police Officer Anna Dykes.

C- Herald: Opinion, the Marlins trade.

Shooting down the Dolphin Expressway a couple of weeks ago, I glanced over at Marlins Park. It seemed to be laughing.

I couldn’t exactly determine the type of mirth in those brief few seconds.

Now, as the Marlins deal pitchers Josh Johnson, Mark Buerhle and their best position player, Jose Reyes, to finish a roster cutdown that began at midseason, I can identify it as the sinister belly laugh of a sentient Death Star-like construct.

D- TC Palm: Oh, Lord.

ST. LUCIE COUNTY — Elections Supervisor Gertrude Walker Tuesday admitted mistakes were made election night when uploading results from the last three days of early voting, blaming human and machine errors.

"I'm not perfect, neither is my staff," Walker said during a Tuesday evening press conference.

Out of 94 precincts, the first 40 — most of them in Fort Pierce — weren't counted at all and the last 54 — mostly in Port St. Lucie and the county — were counted twice, which explains why city votes increased and county votes decreased after the Nov. 11 retabulation of the votes from Nov. 1-3.

There were 3,635 counted twice and 1,953 not scanned at all.

E- CBS4: Lots of military clients?

MIAMI (CBS4) – Sex therapists in South Florida say they are seeing an increasing number of patients using sexual surrogates to overcome intimacy and performance problems.

A sex surrogate is a licensed counselor who works with single people suffering from sexual problems to overcome their issues, often by serving as a surrogate to allow them to practice overcoming the sexual issue they are trying to overcome.

F- CBS4: Does Gertrude work for Broward, too?

BROWARD COUNTY (CBSMiami) – Florida’s fiasco on Election Day is getting worse. Broward elections workers Monday said they found 963 unaccounted-for ballots a week after the election was over.

Members of the Broward County Canvassing Board were told the ballots were put in the wrong place. Election department workers spent the day counting them and adding their results to the final totals.

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