The Cooler

Here's a small sampling of some of the stories you'll find floating around the mainstream media today.

A- Herald: Would you buy a used car from this man?

Busted -- again: Ken Gorin, president and CEO of The Collection luxury auto dealership in Coral Gables. Felony charges: cocaine possession and resisting officers with violence. Misdemeanor charges: indecent exposure and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Gables police say Gorin, 53, let it all hang out during a roadside pit stop, tried to dump a container of coke, and pushed two cops.

[...]

Gorin's recent arrest occurred at 12:10 a.m. Wednesday in the 700 block of Bird Road, between Le Jeune Road and Granada Boulevard. Officers Walter Thomas and Scott Selent say they saw Gorin, at the wheel of a black Porsche, pull onto the road shoulder at a ``high rate of speed.''

Gorin stepped out of the car, walked to the passenger side, then ''unzipped his pants and . . . started urinating in full view of passing traffic,'' the arrest report says.

'As we were advising Mr. Gorin that there were more appropriate places to relieve himself, Mr. Gorin then threw an object from his hand which made a distinct `pinging' sound by bouncing off the car,'' the report continues.

When Thomas tried to retrieve the ''object,'' Gorin allegedly pushed him in the chest with his left hand and ran around the Porsche ``in order to jump back into the driver's seat in an apparent attempt to flee.''

Gorin also pushed Selent, police say.

The unidentified flying object turned out to be a ``cocaine dispenser with 3.5 grams of cocaine inside.''

B- Herald: Hiassen is in full snark mode.

Like many other Americans, every time I take my family to a national park I find myself thinking: Wow! If I only had a gun . . .

Now, thanks to Congress and President Obama, all of us will soon be able to carry loaded firearms into national parks and wildlife refuges. Even concealed weapons will be allowed, for those who have state permits.

It's about time. The one element that's been missing from the outdoor experience in Yellowstone and Yosemite was the adventurous possibility that the drunks at the next campsite might be fooling around with a loaded .357.

Now the thrill is back, and the man to praise is Sen. Tom Coburn, a Republican from Oklahoma and a proud warrior for the National Rifle Association.

Even though Oklahoma isn't famous for its national parks -- you're probably not planning your summer around a trip to the Chickasaw National Recreation Area -- Coburn took up the battle on behalf of armed tourists everywhere.

C- Herald: Not pedestrian friendly.

Two victims of a crash along Biscayne Boulevard in downtown Miami were identified by police on Saturday. Maria E. Carrillo, 49, died at the scene. Her daughter, Lilliana Carrillo, 17, remained in critical condition at Jackson Memorial Hospital.

The women, both from Tampa, were walking on the sidewalk Thursday when they were struck by a Toyota Tundra pickup that spun out of control after a collision with a Honda CRV at the intersection of Biscayne Boulevard and Northeast Sixth Street, according to Miami police.

D- Herald: They write letters.

Does anyone remember the Mariel boat lift? Well I think it's time we give the Castro government a payback. We release the Gitmo prisoners into Havana.

ED BALL, Miami Lakes

E- NBCMiami: Beaches are bad, reporting is worse.

Miami beaches are dangerous enough with all the paparazzi chasing celebs and horny holy men laying hands on their mistresses. Now, you can't even get in the water.

Five beaches in Miami have failed the bacteria test for water quality and should be avoided, Florida Department of Health officials said Friday.

[...]

All other beaches in Miami-Dade are safe for a swim and contain the normal levels of horny teens, peeing kids and the occasional shark.

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