The Cooler

What's interesting in the mainstream media this morning...

A- Herald (User:sfdb, password: sfdbsfdb): Homeless man shot in Lummus Park on Ocean Drive dies. Bunch of tourists get a free trip back to Miami to testify. I'm sure they're crossing their fingers the trial will be held between December and April.

B- Herald: They're going to be blowing crap up in Coral Gables on Saturday morning.

Residents and owners of nearby businesses were also advised to close all doors, windows and air intakes, as well as to turn off exhaust fans to minimize any possible effects from the dust.

C- Herald: Ha, ha, ha, ha. You gotta love that SoFla humor.

Sometimes I don't even have to leave my driveway to write this column. Walking out to my car last Monday I saw two girls. Crouching in the bushes, one held a gun.

I first thought it might be a Taser, until I noticed it was bulbous and blue, something a Smurf might use.

''Shh,'' she whispered, ``it's OK. We're from Ransom and we're here to ambush a classmate. This thing squirts 35 feet!''

''Well,'' I advised, ``you can get a better shot if you move a bit to the right.''

After she told me I was ''pretty cool'' I assured her, ``It's no big deal. People get shot in Coconut Grove all the time.''

D- Herald: Sunny Isles has a website.

E- Herald: Editorial on people leaving South Florida.

F- CBS4: Surveillance cameras in downtown Miami and the Grove.

G- Sun-Sentinel: Tripping June will play at the medical marijuana benefit concert in Davie on Friday night at the Chocolate Moose Music Cafe in Davie. Now there's a sentence I will never again see in my lifetime.

H- Palm Beach Post: Palm Beach County Wendy's reopens after multiple shooting. Lots of drive thru orders expected.

I- Sun-Sentinel: Traffic declining in Palm Beach County.

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